Standing back up and Walking

 Howdy all! 

Its been a good while, hasn't it? I've got catching up to do. This blog was hard on my mind for weeks, no months now. lol. So! Today is the day! 

Where did I leave off? Oh yes, Covid. It took until mid April but guess what? I was able to kick out the last two symptoms. No more sunburn rash weirdness, no more hair loss. I didn't know if I would lose some of it or loose it all, but just in case it started looking crummy, I decided to have it cut off as short as I could go (while still being able to slip it back into a ponytail for work). I didn't want to see it go to the trash can so I donated it before it possibly came to that point. I also made up my mind to have it highlighted for summer. I told the lady to have fun and no unicorn colors! She had a good laugh about that. I got to thinking, what's the worst that would come out of it? Not liking it? With my hair falling out, that was laughable. My hair would grow back. Caramel highlights is what I got and I do like it. My sense of taste came back about the end of March and the ability to smell came back a week after that. It was odd as I thought they would come back together, but I'm glad to have both again. I'm one of those that cooks with their senses, not by measurements. 

I decided to see a nutritionist as the stress caused my body to start emptying... which isn't a fun digestion issue. I lost ten pounds. Surprisingly, not only were we able to restart my digestion on the right track, my energy came back, and I haven't had one issue with Gerd since I started week 2 of the plan we made (very nice). While the weight gain is much slower than I would like, my nutritionist is right- Eating right and establishing a good digestive health is the key to feeling good, weight gain will follow that. I followed the plan strictly (until recently, when coffee was taken off the menu - I'm fighting with that one, its not easy). Its been 3 months now. The difference is outstanding. I have more energy than I've had in several years. Everyone around me says I'm much more alert than before I began this plan. I am glad I chose to do it. I'm still following it although my last appointment was last week. I intend to keep going because I have my sights on good health. I have a goal too: 2 weeks without 1 nap. I believe more than ever that I'm approaching that goal. I've been missing naps, which is amazing! (Having a choice to fall asleep is one thing, I'm ok with that. Not having a choice and losing the daily fight with napping is not. It gets old, quickly.) When I do meet the goal, I can go hiking again. I can go swimming. I can go mountain biking. In moderation. Not all at once. :P To get there, coffee has to go. It is making my already taxed adrenals work too hard. I keep reminding myself that its worth it. I've just got to put my foot down and say no. I want to be as healthy and strong as I can be. I found a few alternatives to coffee and I'll start doing those. I'm sure I'll fumble around, make mistakes, but guess what the best part about slipping is? I can stand right back up and keep going. And I intend to. The bible doesn't say I can do some things through Christ that makes me strong, it says all things. And all means all. 

I decided among all this, that I would get the ball rolling on fixing my teeth. An important step that I have wanted to make for about 5 years now. I am excited to be out from underneath the weight of debt that quite frankly, I was told would swallow me alive and I'd never get rid of. I paid off every last penny of it this year. Its done. And it feels... every bit as amazing as I thought it would be. I've been saving up since then to pay for the down payment on the dental surgery (the rest will go through a loan that I have already been approved for). The surgery is out of pocket, being labeled as cosmetic, so its going to cost some pretty nice shiny pennies, that's for sure. And its going to feel quite similar to a hot burn. I won't be able to talk for 2 weeks. But, it will be worth it in the end. Silly, but my favorite goal out of this will be- I'll be able to sink my teeth into an uncut apple without breaking my teeth. No more slicing up apples in order to eat them. I'll be able to eat confidently. God gave me this body, I'm going to take care of it the best I can. :)

I finished my last physical therapy for my twisted leg. I now walk straight. Where at first, it felt terribly uncomfortable and strange, now I'm adjusting to my new way of walking. Time and practice. Lots of it. And exercises. It reminds me near daily of what a friend told me once- that it was just like when God gets a hold of our lives, and its uncomfortable at first, so very different, but we trust in Him and we follow Him. There is a plan for us, for good. And it begins to happen, what was crooked and twisted begins to straighten. We don't walk that old painful path we once walked (I had so many twisted ankles), we walk a new Path, a far better one. Where once there was weakness and susceptibility, now there is strength and it is secure. Its a continuous effort for both of these things- It takes Walking. :)

 

The next part of my story is called Stretching the comfort zones and defeating the villain of fear. 

Really. 

I found out while I'm expanding my horizons and slowly chipping away at my list of things I've never done before, without thinking, I've also added limitations. Limitations that I enforce because I'm scared to do them for some reason or another. Write and publish a novel? I'm scared. I want to, I really want it and have always dreamed of it. There are ways to make it happen. Yet I think about how scared I am, instead of the excitement that yes, I can make it happen. Since when did fear start trying to rule this life? Do you know what people say they regret at the end of their lives? It isn't what they did wrong, its this: What they didn't do. Hearing that said, I couldn't help but think about what I've yet to do: my books. I was also asked to teach something I knew a little bit about and my instant response was to shy away from it and point to someone who knew far more. I missed something that I noticed later, but the moment was gone. Hey now! God didn't give me a spirit of fear! Aren't I to be victorious? So I may not know as much as the person over there does, the fact is- I do know some things. So teaching in public isn't my gift, coming along side people is... and what if the one leads to the other? How many times in the Bible does it say not to fear? Not to be afraid? If I don't step out, what opportunities are being missed? Even the ones that look insignificant can lead to something that is a treasure in Heaven, a good thing that God wanted us to do. While I get my health in order, I'm trying to get my mind in order too. I think its harder than ignoring the call of coffee, but it can be done! I know I'll slip up time and again... but know what? I'll get back up. I'll start again. Keep striving continually. God is the strength of my heart (Psalms 73:26). In all things, its the focus that matters. In the Bible, Peter walked out to Jesus on the water. Looking at the waves in fear made Peter sink in the water, but if you notice - they walked back to the boat. Its a process of continual reminders- don't focus on the things of this world. Focus on Jesus.  

Fear? It has come to this day. It's time to meet The Sword.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Until next time, 

May you rest securely in His Words, take up the full armor and let your eyes be fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). 

~UnashamedtoShine

Happy New Year!

Howdy everyone! 

    I'm back! It's been a goodly while hasn't it? I hope you've all kept well and that your Christmas and New Years were peaceful and nice. :) 

    There is so much that has happened in my journey since the start of my medical avalanche. Good times and hard times both. In it all, I can see God's provision throughout. Not one thing that I truly needed went unprovided. Several things that I thought I needed (they were wants really), I discovered I didn't need after all. I can’t thank those who dropped off groceries on my porch enough as of recently. I’m well supplied and I can’t think of anything that I need currently (other than I need to get better lol!). I’m thankful for all who offered to help. 

    Yes, I have Covid. And yes, I know where I got it. Dad brought it home and then Mom got it. I was outnumbered. I woke up with it on the 3rd of December. I never got a fever, nor did either of them. I was the only one to get a rash in my mouth (that’s what cued me in that it was not my typical sore throat cold). They are better, officially cleared from quarantine and back at work. I’m still in quarantine, a list of symptoms still present and accounted for. My doctor asked me if I knew what a Covid long hauler is. When I said I did, they said good because I am one. Day 32 currently. I’ve been off work using my vacation hours (which is not a problem, I have more than I can use). Crummy vacation though. Can I get a refund? lol. 

    I thought that while I was down, I would work on writing and learning ASL via Youtube videos. I could also catch up on a stack of books that were just waiting for me. What I didn’t count on was the surprisingly thick brain fog that would dash all those great ideas to a fine powder and blow them away. The brain fog was as mean as being winded and heavily fatigued. Simple things like getting dressed, making a bed, getting a shower in- became huge tasks that left me drained for the remainder of the day. I’ve been spending my time chatting with friends via the internet (talking on the phone leaves me feeling out of breath and fatigued quickly), looking up and sharing memes, and playing a video game that’s live courtesy of the internet. I’ve shared the gospel 4 times through chats, which God knows what He will do with that, I just planted seeds. I may not be able to do much but I can still do something. :) 

    I’m hopeful to return to work next week, but I know it won’t be easy. I’m easily out of breath and still have other symptoms, like covid toes (hard to walk and painful). Its far beyond 14 days, which is the CDC requirement for quarantining. I’ll be calling the doctor to see it would be a good idea to return to work in this current state. Time will tell all. I miss my coworkers and from what I hear, they have been missing my being there too. I mean, who is going to count down to Christmas (there are 355 days to go), bring up songs to fit the conversations, and lighten the day, not to mention being such a hard worker? That made me smile to hear. As did the flowers and card that my boss had everyone sign. That was brought by with soup. Butternut Squash soup is so far the easiest thing for me to eat. I can’t smell at all and the only tastes I have is tasting salt and this phantom flavor of sweet clover honey (which is incredibly strange when I drink coffee and my brain is telling me via my tastes that its salted clover honey). The level of weirdness goes up when I am eating steak and potatoes. Why does that taste like salted honey? O.o Eating has become a game of textures instead of flavors. I have no idea when I will regain my ability to taste or smell, or if it will be the same as it used to be. 

    I decided to try to battle the brain fog by putting together a puzzle. Admittedly, for one who is very good at puzzles, I am struggling to assemble this one. I’m unwilling to give up and piece by piece, effort upon effort, its coming together. The last piece isn’t going to slide into place though… the dog chewed it up. Yep, she’s left her mark on this Christmas puzzle. I’m hopeful to complete the remainder of puzzle before next week. I’ll also attempt to pick up a book from my stack of things to read. I’m hopeful to be able to remember beyond a paragraph of context. I’m not one to give up. Slowly pulling myself up to my feet. I’ll get there too. It’s just a matter of when. 

    I ordered seeds for this year’s garden. I heard of the race to buy up seeds (much like the toilet paper craze), and slipped in my order just as things began to go out of stock. Made it with a few modifications to my list – some things I really wanted went out of stock. Life marches on! I’ll keep a watch for restocking and if I can’t get them, then there is always next year. I know seed companies are working hard right now. I’m sure they are doing all they can to meet the high demands. Lots of talk about Victory Gardens. I’m not worried about what the future will bring, I’m simply growing a garden as I do every year. It brings me joy. Funny- when I began that journey, I was presented gardening by my doctor as a replacement to hiking. My energy couldn’t support hiking, and with gardening, I could take breaks or stop for the day at any point. I remember laughing in humor at the thought of me being a gardener. Me? Garden? I killed everything I touch! I’ll never forget his words, “What will you gain if you don’t try?” Yeah, nothing. So I tried. And yes, everything died, but I was desperate so I tried again. And wouldn’t you know it, something grew. I felt this satisfied smile light on my face and I realized something – gardening wasn’t about having a green thumb at all, it was all based on what I knew and what I didn’t. My garden grew leaps and bounds. While I do miss hiking, gardening fills that void and gives me a very similar quiet satisfaction. When people ask what my favorite room in the house is, I don’t even hesitate- it’s the garden. 

    Oh! I forgot to say: A lot of people have been asking me if I am afraid of Covid. No, I’m not. I’ll tell you why- God is in complete control and my trust is in Him. He planned my path and I know that no matter what I go through, He’s with me and His plans for me are for good. I’ve been through many sicknesses and conditions. The two things I learned are these- Keep your focus on God, everything else will go into place according to His will. And you don’t have to be strong- God loves to use the weakest of people to show His strength. He supplies the strength that we need to do all that He asks us to do. 

    As much as I would love to stay and chat, I should do some more breathing exercises and rest a bit. Until next time, God bless! 

Matthew 14:25-33, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Romans 5:1-21, Ephesians 2:8-10.